Thursday, February 4, 2010

Safety First: Avoid Being A Target For Murderers, Kidnappers and Other Bad Guys

Great news! The murder scene that I stumbled upon during yesterday's run was apparently a criminal justice training exercise for students at Everest University, one of Orlando's finest diploma mills.

Now I can run with headphones again, oblivious to the world around me. Many runners will discourage you from running with headphones in public (use them at the gym instead) due to the fact that you couldn't hear a potential mugger/kidnapper mere steps away.

However, there are some days where you just need some extra motivation to get through your workout. Today was one of those days. And my AWESOME playlist provided perfect motivation for today's workout. If you need inspiration, try any of my tunes from today:

Arab Money, by Busta Rhymes
B.O.B., by OutKast
Beep, by Pussycat Dolls
Break Ya Neck, by Busta Rhymes
Bruised Water, by Natasha Bedingfield
Carry Out, by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake
Faster Pussycat Kill, by Paul Oakenfold
Feel It, by Three 6 Mafia and featuring Tiesto
Fight for You, by Morgan Page
Heads Will Roll, by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I'll Be In The Sky, by B.o.B
Lose Yourself, by Eminem

Now you can effectively rock out during your next workout.

If you're still concerned about being a target for potential kidnappers when you run with headphones, I have excellent advice for you. Purchase a fat suit or sumo suit and wear it while running. Not only will you look like a challenging kidnapping prospect (fat people are harder to kidnap and are less likely to fit in a trunk), but you'll burn more calories in a heavy, rubber suit. It's a winning solution!


Jetpacks said...

You dare besmirch the good name of Everest University! When you're old and dying in a nursing home, who do you think will be in charge of your feedings and sponge baths? That's right - Everest grads.

Chases Cows said...

Those gosh-darn Everest grads are the reason I can't give blood without passing out three times in the same day!!!

TallGuySurfing said...

Bombs over Baghdad! That'll make ya run faster! Hell yeah! I want a fat suit!

Chases Cows said...

Sylvan, you're fat enough already! ;)